Oh The Awkwardness of Being a Mom...

I just have to express that I TOTALLY did not appreciate the ease with which I could accomplish tasks before I had a baby.  I took it for granted.  Now it seems that even the most simple task of picking something off the floor and getting a drink of water is a hurdle.  I had to jot down some awkward situations I find myself in. Some of these things happen just because I have a child, but other things happen because I am sleep deprived (courtesy of having a baby) and don't always think clearly.

Committing to a plan is very hard with a baby.  Someone asks "what time can you do it"?  Truthfully, who knows?  Ollie is not predictable yet.  His wake up time, nap time, grumpy time, etc changes from day to day so I have no idea what time is a good time to do something. I made a commitment to myself that I wouldn't let having a baby keep me from getting out of the house and being social.  So my attitude is that I can always TRY to do something, if it doesn't work because Ollie gets grumpy, Oh well!  At least I tried! And I don't hold it against Ollie, he can't help it.  I will say this though, there are few things more stressful than driving in a car with a screaming baby.  I'm amazed at how long-winded this kid is!  I think the record for me was 45 minutes of crying in a car.  And it just kept escalating to the point where I think he was growling/crying at me.  On that particular occasion I stopped a LOT before I decided to just go.  He was fed and had a clean diaper.  What more could I do? I had to get home.  But I will say this, hearing that baby screaming in the back seat sure gives me a lead foot.  It makes me want to plop a siren on my roof that will allow everyone to hear Ollie screaming so they will have pity and move out of my way.

One of the most awkward situations I have been in happened while I was shopping at Target.  I was going to run in there to get just a few things.  Oliver has been riding in the shopping cart pretty well and it is much more enjoyable for him to be able to look around, so I plopped him in the front part of the cart and ran in. Well a few minutes in, he started getting fussy and purposefully not holding himself up in the cart.  He kept diving to the left and to the right.  Finally I just picked him up and he fussed a little and then laid his head on my shoulder.  The next thing I knew he was asleep.  Well I didn't have anything to put him in so I had to finish my shopping trip while holding him. Any mom knows how fun it is to hold a child with one hand and push a cart with the other.  Especially with that child is completely limp.  I was trying to lean back a little to keep him from tipping over off my shoulder.  I was a sight.  Then I get to the check out, and by then my arm is shaking and feels like it is going to fall off. 20 pounds of limp baby being held with one arm = HEAVY! I had decided to stock up on baby food and bought about 20 of the little double pack foods.  So here I go.  In gymnast "back bend" style I arch my back, bend deep down into the cart, pick up one baby food while balancing Ollie, put it on the stand then do it again one by one, TWENTY times.  The lady in front of me points out to her son that I have a baby, but does she help me? No.  Finally I check get it all up and check out.  Does anyone offer me help out to the car? No.  So I take a deep breath as I begin to have no feeling in my arm and proceed out the doors.  I start to cross the parking lot right in front of the store where it is most busy and I drop my keys.  I stop and look down then look up and see my cart continue to move forward without me.  So I run after the cart, stop it, then run back by my keys so no one will run me over.  All while holding sleeping, limp Ollie.  I'm eyeing down those keys pretty good trying to figure out in my head how I am going to bend over and get them when FINALLY someone notices a mommy in distress and asks if I need help.  I say YES PLEASE.  She gets my keys for me and asks "Do you want me to take your cart to the car and help you unload?" Again I say YES PLEASE! This sweet girl was at Target buying stuff for a baby shower for her sister.  She unloads my stuff and takes my cart for me and I just sit there thinking she is an angel.  Another fun situation is when I am in a long line and Ollie starts crying.  People usually give me "looks" but not often does anyone offer to let me go ahead.

Another activity where I find myself in a lot of awkward situations is when I am cooking. I can usually get Ollie to sit cooperatively for about 20 minutes in his bumbo, walker, or on the floor.  But asking more of him is just too much.  This little guy REALLY likes me to hold him.  And I would willingly oblige if he were about 10 pounds lighter.  I have learned really quick that it is not a good idea to hold him when dealing with hot or sharp things.  I have had a lot of mishaps lately that gratefully have either barely missed him or I was not holding him at the time.  One time I was putting food into a pot of boiling water and one fell off my fork too soon and SPLASH.  I was holding Ollie and the water just BARELY missed his leg and landed on my leg.  I had a burn there for weeks. I was just glad it wasn't Ollie.  (PS, I have bad luck with this.  I was responsible for my 1 year old nephew burning his hand on a hot cookie sheet.) Another time Ollie was sitting in his bumbo at the table while Dave fed him some rice cereal and while I was cooking dinner.  I had just baked a yummy loaf of bread and it was sitting on the stove cooling in a GLASS bread pan.  I turn on a burner to boil a pot of water and continue doing other things.  The next thing I know I smell something burning and realize I turned on the burner underneath my bread!  The smoking loaf had a nice charcoaled layer at the bottom and was really hot.  My first thought was to get it off the hot burner to somewhere cooler.  So I pick it up and put it on the top part of the sink.  I back up a few step and BOOM.  Sounded like a gun shot. Next thing I know, shattered pieces of glass are everywhere.  I say "ow my toe!" I look down and the ONLY part of my body that got hit by glass was right between my left little toe and the toe next to it.  I think the glass got stuck there for a second because there was a big burn blister.  I am soooo grateful I wasn't holding Oliver at the time! But seriously? How did glass land between my little toes?  I must spread them when I am scared or something! Dave could tell I was flustered so he told me to take a breather and he cleaned up all the glass for me.  Such a good hubby! Then he cut off the crust of out bread and we still ate the insides :).

Here is a picture of my ugly toe blister from the glass!

  While cooking, I have gotten really good at getting in an awkward position of putting one leg up against the cupboard and holding Ollie on that leg while doing something with my other hand.  Getting dinner completed every night is always a battle.  Ollie gets tired/cranky around 5 PM and usually wants to take a nap only in my arms (if I lay him down for that nap he wakes up instantly).  So usually I get dinner done in phases.  I chop an onion here, cook noodles there.  And usually it isn't totally complete until after I put him to sleep at 6:30.

Having a kid takes sleeping to a whole different hemisphere for me! I am a night owl.  I enjoy staying up.  I have always been that way.  I'm pretty sure my parents have never implemented a bedtime in my life.  So I am used to staying up.  Even when I had school or work, I would usually go to bed at 12 or 1 AM and just make it up on the weekends by sleeping in. Ollie is the complete opposite of me.  If I dare keep him up past 7 he will make my life miserable until I get him to sleep.  That is one trait he has gotten from me, HE REALLY LIKES HIS SLEEP. :) Try as I may to go to bed early so I can get up with him in the middle of the night and then early at 5 or 6, I just can't. That will be a work in progress. Dave has gotten up a few times on the weekend with Ollie so I can sleep in until 8 or so.  Ollie often gets up at the ripe time of 5:30.  Dave commented after getting up with him "I don't know how you do this every morning".  (I don't either, I just do what I got to do--but that doesn't mean I don't act like a zombie for the first 3 hours of my day either).  Usually I go to bed and wake up questioning whether I actually even got any sleep (that's how I feel at least).  But on the flip side, if Ollie DOES allow me to have a longer than 4 or 5 hour stretch of sleep, I wake up wondering if he is still alive.  Just can't win! Also, the post-birth dreams I have had are intense! They are some of the most vivid and horrifying dreams I have ever had.  They are just so real!  I think it is safe to say they are even worse than my odd pregnancy dreams.  Yesterday the Dr I used to work for text me and asked if I would be interested in temping occasionally.  Last night, I had a nightmare I went to work and forgot to pump milk so Ollie had NOTHING to eat/drink while I was gone.  And on top of that, I had a deep scaling and root planing in my dream and seemed to just not be able to MOVE.  It took me 3 hours and everyone was so mad at me.   I woke up in a cold sweat!

The muscle it takes to lug around a baby is insane!  I seriously have gotten stronger since having Ollie.  It doesn't help that he grows like a weed so he never gives my muscles a chance to catch up.  For a while I was picking him up using my back and I threw out my lower back SO BAD.  It hurt!  I DREADED having to get him out of his crib or bend over for anything.  Finally I got that fixed and now have been trying really hard to use my legs.  I have gotten really good at squats.  I wake up every morning feeling like I had a hard work out the day before.  Carrying Ollie's carseat is a joke.  I look crazy wobbling around holding that thing.  I have been walking every morning and doing an ab/core workout video 3 times a week.  I am trying to get one step ahead of Ollie :).

Being a mom can be messy.  I have had spit up on my shirt, pants, hair, face, arm, leg, etc.  Do I run and wash it off or change or jump in the shower?  Nope.  What's the point?  I have been pooped on and peed on more than I can count.  But I have gotten really good at getting poop stains out of outfits!  Cleaning the house is so hard.  I try to do one thing a day, so at least it DOES get clean.  However, this means it is never clean at the same time.  So sometimes it doesn't seem like I am doing anything.

Well I am sure I have a lot more to look forward to once my little guy is mobile.  But with all the craziness that accompanies being a mom, I will say it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done.  I wouldn't even know what to do with myself if all of a sudden I didn't have Ollie anymore.  He is my calling, why I am here on earth.  I have the blessing of raising a family and teaching them about God and Christ and filling my kiddos' little minds with wisdom, kindness, charity.  It is a challenge, but one that I will do my best at.